
JOHN RICHARDSON | SURREALIST
New Proverbs For Modern Times….
New (dictionary at random)
‘You know what they say....’
A worn pair of trousers are the emery cloth of life
A mail train at noon is an arsonist’s joy
Busy people have shimmering shinbones
A turtle dove on a wicker chair will only speak Spanish
Foot and mouth disease before May and the snow ploughs need oiling
An opaque clock is a mother’s water melon
To dream is to cut the laburnum
Once a Capricorn always a magnet
Mackerel sky at night makes the serpent bristle
Regret in the dawn and celebrate at dusk
Adjust the reading lamp before you leap
Check the rat trap as you pull the blind
Always carry an umbrella when dressed in blue
New dungarees won’t butter a black stocking
A bishop’s sermon won’t light the gas
A falling pyramid is safer than a stunted ego
Only visit the Garden of Eden with a Norwegian or North Korean
Always swallow on a gondola
Put a goose egg in one pocket and a rear view mirror in the other
Eccentricity is the washer woman’s bed pan
On the Witches Sabbath never say the word constellation
It takes 4 to make a quadrant and 5 to sing a lifeboat
Liquorice is the food of the hawthorn maker
Delirium is the passport to goodliness
A haunted bridge carries no cash
A one way ticket is eye wash to a street walker
Taste the lavender before the monkey calls
Never visit a morgue on a weekday
Pay the mongrel and caress the tiger
Never write down that which can be knitted
Lacquer the turnips and cure the healthy
Praise the horseman and chastise the ring master
Never change your imagination before the autumn or when it’s raining
Old Proverbs For Modern Times….
1/2 & 1/2
A stitch in time never boils
Look before you save nine
A watched kettle never leaps
One swallow doesn’t make it out of mind
It never rains over spilt milk
A friend in need is a shepherd’s delight
Red sky at night and the pounds will look after themselves
Red sky in the morning keeps the doctor away
A bird in the hand is worth an apple a day
It takes two in the bush to tango
Don’t cry before you can walk
All that glistens isn’t a shepherds warning
Fish and fowl isn’t gold
A new broom sweeps clean but old brooms can’t swim together
Two wrongs don’t make it spring
Look after the pennies and every bitch has two afternoons
Home is where it pours
Don’t throw the baby out with all that glistens
The devil’s in the bath water
Every dog has the cows milked
Keep your friends close before May is out
The devil makes the heart grow fonder
This won’t get your enemies closer
He who pays the piper won’t get the baby a bonnet
A friend indeed is out of sight
Spare the rod spoil the tune
The heart is work for idle hands
Absence makes the child
Don’t run before you cast a clout
Old brooms know corners in the detail
July 2011